Why isn't he embarrassed?

While surfing blogsites (using Blog Explosion, of course), I came across a site which kinda sorta ticked me off. A young man - and I mean a YOUNG man - works and goes to school, but was requesting we send him money to help him out.

Made me think about what most of us senior citizens often find ourself facing because of having to live on a fixed income. This young man should have our problems for a little while.

We senior citizens - speaking for myself here - very seldom have enough to make ends meet, much less have any extra. I always jokingly tell folks "I have a lot more month left at the end of my money." For example, I had to make a choice this week.

My health is important to me, as it probably is to everyone. However, to be healthy I have to eat and to get better from my existing problems, I have to see doctors more often than I like. Do I buy gas for the car to travel to see the doctor - why are the doctors I need to see always so far away from where I live? Or, do I forget going to the doctor to instead buy groceries in the hopes that what I eat will help me hold my own?

This time I chose going to the doctor - as hopefully alleviating the constant pain took precedence over everything! But, there have been times I cancelled doctors appointments in order to eat.

I can't imagine begging for money - and a young man who HAS TO BE in much better health and circumstances than me should be embarrassed to be doing so.

Asking for help very often is disappointing for me

Maybe the reason I don't often ask anyone for help is because my expectations of people are too high. When I'm told "We'll be there at" whatever time, I expect them to be here. And, when they aren't, I feel terribly hurt. And when I'm told someone will do something for me tomorrow, somehow the tomorrow just doesn't seem to arrive. Could it be that I misunderstood exactly which tomorrow was meant?

Yesterday I awaited my ride to clinic - 65 miles away - and no show. In a panic, I drove myself and barely arrived in time for the procedure. I refused novacain and any other "cain" they have because of being allergic. Gritted my teeth and bore it! After nearly 5 hours, I drove myself home. Found a message on my answering machine upon arriving home "We forgot your appointment is today, sorry!" Would have been better for me if there hadn't been a message, 'cuz I found myself becoming angry! Hate getting angry - becoming so makes me feel very small and insignificant.

Today, I found myself waiting again for the 3rd promise to mow my badly overgrown yard. The longer I waited, the more frustrated I became, especially since I was going to pay for the job as well as furnish the mower and gas! So, against doctor's orders to not get on that mower, I did. Got the front and some of the side yard mowed. Hurt like the dickens while I did it, but got the satisfaction of part of a job well done!

After putting the mower away, Miss Freckles and I sat on the front porch while I tried to enjoy a cup of cappucino, watched the sunset, and cried like a blithering idiot. Crying is something else I hate to do as it was always considered a "sign of weakness." But, there wasn't anyone to see me except Miss Freckles and she doesn't judge me. She laid with her head in my lap, cutting those soulful and seemingly understanding brown eyes of hers up at me with what I considered to be sympathy and I cried even more!

When I finally cried myself out and my cappucino had gotten cold and yucky, I came inside and said out loud "Amazing what one can do when one has to do it!" Never let it be said this gal will go down without putting up a good fight. My kids will tell anyone who listens "Mom is a tough woman and her independent nature has always carried her through." Chalk up one mark for my kids!

Country living is special

I thought the start of this day would be typically hum-drum - as are most of my mornings. However, not so today!

I decided to enjoy my first cup of coffee on the front porch while Miss Freckles takes care of business. Usually, Miss Mutt Dog of 2005 charges out into the yard, barking at nothing in particular to let me know she is protecting her domain. This morning, though, she stood like a statue while I carefully sat down on the steps with my steaming hot cuppa! There, under the pecan tree in my front yard, also perfectly still, was standing Gigi - the fawn I've named and been watching the past week.

Momma Mia was outside the yard - which is encircled with a chain-link fence, snuffling at her baby. I held onto Miss Freckles, whispered in her ear to be quiet as Momma Mia jump the fence to come rescue Gigi. As I watched in total amazement, and hardly breathing, Momma Mia nudged Gigi toward the fence and as if in slow motion, both of them literally sailed over the fence with ease and grace. Once outside of the yard, they both casually strolled into the pasture across the road and Momma Mia grazed a bit, while Gigi decided it was time for a snack from her Mom.

Miss Freckles made no effort to escape my clutches and she neither growled nor barked. It was as if she knew not to bother that baby. When I did let her go, she went to the fence and quietly watched the two deer across the way as they worked their way into a small stand of trees.

Just before dark in the evenings five to ten deer are usually grazing on the young soy bean crop, I often hear the wild turkeys getting ready to bed down for the night, the pheasants and their babies often stroll along the fence line looking for juicy treats, racoons sneak into the yard to steal my pecans, and Mr. Long Stockings (my resident squirrel) will come up on my porch for his nightly graham cracker treat. Jack, a wonderful and smart crow, hasn't been around in a few days. It has taken me a month to get him to take bread and crackers from my hand. Hope he is okay.

There are definite advantages to living in the country.

Small goods sometimes bring about wonderful results!

As I was looking through a photo album this morning, I came across some pictures which helped me realize we all contribute mightily when we do little things for others.

About 20 years ago, I learned a 69 year old man's secret. He couldn't read! He was often called upon at church to read the Scripture for that Sunday, but always used "I left my glasses in the car or at home" to prevent being embarrassed. Secretly, I met with him 3 mornings a week and over a period of a year, taught him to read. How proud I was that Sunday when he volunteered to read the morning's Scripture. He went on to teach his daughter and some of his closest friends (who were older than him) how to read. I took a photo of him that Sunday morning and seeing the pride on his face in his accomplishment - after all these years, brightened my morning.

While I was an exchange student in Amsterdam in 1995, I taught English to the children of 4 of the professors to earn some extra money. One of the boys in the group of six children was 14 years old and he told me he had no interest in English. He, of course, proved to be my best student. I received a very nice letter from his mother about a month ago informing me he is now teaching English in a Dutch elementary school. The picture I took of my six students (with Deryk scowling at the camera) brought back the excitement I had the first day I started with them.

When I first moved to the South, I was amazed to learn knitting was not very popular here - although, crocheting is! I've been a Master Knitter for over 40 years and decided to teach some of my new-found Southern friends how to knit. That first class consisted of 3 women - all of whom were firm in their commitment to never be able to knit anything that looked pretty and usable. All three are now Master Knitters themselves and travel all over the world teaching and acquiring new patterns and designs, which they are proud to share with me!

The very first computer I ever used was a humongous Litton 3-tape drive monster which had to be in a climate-controlled room where the temperature was maintained at 68 degrees! As a result of learning how to operate this (what I thought to be) technological marvel, I learned to love working with and repairing computers. Over the years I've taught many "how to" classes to senior citizens who were absolutely terrified of turning on a computer! A phone call from one of the gentlemen who participated in one of those classes about 10 years ago was to inform me he is now working for a software company which creates Christian games - at the wonderful young age of 73! How cool is that?

There was one newspaper clipping which brought back a torrent of emotions. A horrible accident, to which I had been a witness, occurred one morning as I was on my way to a bowling tournament. The driver was belted in, but his wife wasn't and she had been thrown out of the car - injured, but ambulatory. The photo in the newspaper showed me tolding her in my arms to prevent her from attempting to help her husband who burned to death on that horrible day. I stayed with her all day, and offered what little help and comfort I was able to give. We became fast friends and whenever she needed help, I was there for her. After she passed away about 15 years ago I was informed by her attorney she made a large bequest of thousands of dollars to her local fire department in my name. What an honor for me and how wonderful for that fire department which desperately needed the funds.

Maybe, just maybe, there is and has been a purpose for my being here after all!