Asking for help very often is disappointing for me

Maybe the reason I don't often ask anyone for help is because my expectations of people are too high. When I'm told "We'll be there at" whatever time, I expect them to be here. And, when they aren't, I feel terribly hurt. And when I'm told someone will do something for me tomorrow, somehow the tomorrow just doesn't seem to arrive. Could it be that I misunderstood exactly which tomorrow was meant?

Yesterday I awaited my ride to clinic - 65 miles away - and no show. In a panic, I drove myself and barely arrived in time for the procedure. I refused novacain and any other "cain" they have because of being allergic. Gritted my teeth and bore it! After nearly 5 hours, I drove myself home. Found a message on my answering machine upon arriving home "We forgot your appointment is today, sorry!" Would have been better for me if there hadn't been a message, 'cuz I found myself becoming angry! Hate getting angry - becoming so makes me feel very small and insignificant.

Today, I found myself waiting again for the 3rd promise to mow my badly overgrown yard. The longer I waited, the more frustrated I became, especially since I was going to pay for the job as well as furnish the mower and gas! So, against doctor's orders to not get on that mower, I did. Got the front and some of the side yard mowed. Hurt like the dickens while I did it, but got the satisfaction of part of a job well done!

After putting the mower away, Miss Freckles and I sat on the front porch while I tried to enjoy a cup of cappucino, watched the sunset, and cried like a blithering idiot. Crying is something else I hate to do as it was always considered a "sign of weakness." But, there wasn't anyone to see me except Miss Freckles and she doesn't judge me. She laid with her head in my lap, cutting those soulful and seemingly understanding brown eyes of hers up at me with what I considered to be sympathy and I cried even more!

When I finally cried myself out and my cappucino had gotten cold and yucky, I came inside and said out loud "Amazing what one can do when one has to do it!" Never let it be said this gal will go down without putting up a good fight. My kids will tell anyone who listens "Mom is a tough woman and her independent nature has always carried her through." Chalk up one mark for my kids!