Another transition

It is difficult to explain (even to myself) how hard it was to trust anyone after having been lied to on a constant basis for a long time. Trusting myself was a nearly impossible task. My gut feeling as the result of a "first impression" had been tested and failed miserably too many times to be relied upon ever again. I became cynical, doubting, and totally insulated against everyone. And, I didn't like myself very much during this period in my life!

My family marvled at my "strength!" My friends never doubted that I would rebound quickly! Those with whom I worked, however, thought I was a time bomb about to go off at any time! My fellow workers offered me solace, comfort, and help - which I declined. I was certain there would be some kind of string attached to their assistance. Oh my, but I was a total wreck for about two years.

I worked, slept, ate when I had to, and worked! When I look back over that period of time, it startles me to know I was existing, but not living. There is a definitive difference between the two, but I couldn't see it at the time.

One Sunday evening, a neighbor of mine came by to visit with me - I hadn't seen her in a long time. We had been sitting in the kitchen chatting like magpies when she suddenly blurted out, "I've done something that will probably make you angry at me, but ask me if I care!" Imagine how I felt when she told me she had responded to a lovelorn column in the newspaper - using my name and phone number! To say I was flabbergasted would be putting it mildly! When I recovered from my shock, I then quickly became quite angry at her audacity. I am not a cussing woman, but I came very close to loosing my correct usage of the English language that day.

During a lull in my tirade about what she had done, she very calmly announced I should expect a phone call within a matter of minutes! Off I went into another tangent! It was not pretty!

Sure enough, the phone rang about twenty minutes later. I can still feel the anger I had within my very being at that moment when I picked up the phone and in a very sarcastic tone said "Hello."
I heard a very nice man's voice ask to speak to Wease (my alias for most of my life). I recall practically screaming "Speaking," all the while shaking all over with a combination of anger and terror! When I said "This isn't a good time for me to talk to anyone," he very politely told me he would call me back at another time. And, I thought, that is that!

The following Sunday evening, at practically the same time, the telephone rang and it was that same man's voice I heard on the other end! He quickly stated he had been informed by my neighbor I hadn't been looking for a fellow but I could use a good friend and all he wanted was to become my friend. He told me his name, where he lived, what kind of work he did, how old he was, and all other information he thought was pertinent for me to know. I told him nothing! I wasn't interested one bit and told him so! And, I thought that is that! When the next Sunday rolled around and he didn't call, I was sure that was that!

Upon checking the mailbox on the ensuing Monday evening, I found a thick envelope addressed to me with no return address. On the front porch was a long, slender box which had been delivered by Federal Express. There was a dozen yellow roses in the box and the envelope contained a very long, handwritten letter to me from the faceless voice I had heard on the telephone two times! It was the first time in my life I had received flowers from ANYONE, and I was blown away by the fact he somehow knew yellow roses are and always have been my favorite! The letter was not a love letter - it stated very matter-of-factly who he was and what he was all about. It had been a very long time since I had cried, but that evening the crying I did came from within the depths of my soul. My healing had begun!

After that, we corresponded (by snail mail) and talked on the telephone a LOT. After six months had elapsed, we agreed to finally meet. I chose the Cracker Barrel in town as he would be in the area on that particular day and I felt meeting in a very public place would lend me some sense of security! As we'd not even exchanged photos, I kiddingly told him I would be the gal sitting in one of the rocking chairs out front with a paper sack on her head - never dreaming I would actually do just that! I took that Saturday afternoon off from work, dicky dooded myself up, and fixed a huge paper grocery sack with eye holes to wear over my head. When his van (which he had described to me) pulled up, there I was - sitting in a rocking chair with the paper sack over my head and a crowd of folks had gathered to see what in world was going to take place. When he walked up to me, I stuck out my hand and said, "You must be Kermit." He removed the sack from my head and literally hollered, "And you are Wease - I'd have known you anywhere!" The crowd applauded as we shook hands and that was the beginning of my life!

We married a year later in his mother's house - a very simple ceremony. I moved into his very small house in a very small town south of where I had been living and now live. For the first time in my life, I felt cherished, loved, and giddy with complete trust and happiness. I mentioned one day I had dreamed of going to college ever since I graduated from highschool. He made it possible for me achieve that dream. How very proud he was of my accomplishments. How tickled he would get when he would receive my grades in an envelope addressed "To the parents of...." He must have spent a veritable fortune on yellow roses. Those years - and I never believed I would use this word - bliss are cherished beyond anyone's imagination.

We sold his house and had begun to move back into my home. He was scheduled for retirement from his position a week after my graduation. One week prior to my graduation, we were taking a load of junk from the barn to the dump in his pickup truck. While driving down the highway at a pretty good clip, he patted me on my knee and told me "I'm so glad you are my wife." I gave him a quick hug and responded, "I'm so glad you are my husband." About 10 seconds later, he gasped and fell over in my arms. Somehow I got the pickup stopped and I quickly realized my husband had just died.

Because my mind is a complete blank about what happened thereafter, I've been told by many people what transpired during the next couple of weeks. I handled all the funeral arrangements, attended my graduation, and had a house full of family and friends who had come to celebrate my graduation. The first thing I remember after that horrific split second in the pickup truck is about a month later (everyone had gone their separate ways I'm told) I was sitting at the kitchen table doing a crossword puzzle. And it hit me like a ton of bricks that I was once again ALONE. And, I wasn't ready for yet another transition!

Third in series of Transitions

Often, I had looked back over those past reported years and wonder what I had done so bad that would bring me so close to the brink of total and complete despair. The only thing I could come up with was the fact I always had (and still do have) a terribly independent nature, a strong will to survive (no matter what), and the ability to laugh in the face of adversity.

Somehow, the boys and I muddled through the next couple of years. Friends came and went during that time, but we (the family unit) remained as constant as was possible. I finally recovered enough to work, the boys once again became involved with sports, scouting, and oh gracious, the oldest one discovered GIRLS weren't really all that "yucky." And, without looking, I found a fella who I believed was the love of my life and we married.

He convinced me to sell my home and we (he, the kids and I) went to Florida to live. I got a job as a bookkeeper and he hauled gravel/sand - financially, we were okay! I finally felt a sense of security I'd never had before until....a registered letter arrived addressed to Mrs. ....... (me). It was from my husband's wife, from whom he had convinced me he had been divorced for 3 years! Seems he had never signed the divorce papers - a small technicality to which he offered a convincing explanation. AND I SWALLOWED IT - HOOK, LINE, AND SINKER!

After spending many hundreds of dollars to "fix the problem," we remarried in Florida (to make me an honest woman!!!), and moved back to Alabama. His three boys decided they wanted to be with their father; so now I've got 6 boys to look after, because he decided to go back to cross-country truck driving! There's neither enough time nor enough space here for me to thoroughly explain what life became like with 3 boys who'd never had any discipline, never been taught any manners, who had no respect for anyone, who enjoyed using the "F" word in every spoken sentence, who treated me worse than a mad dog would be treated, and a husband who was neither never there nor spoke a word of truth about anything. All the while, my 3 boys are watching and learning from them - they pulled stunts they never would have dreamed of until they fell under the influence of the "3 from the other side" (as I used to call them in my mind).

When one of the stepsons raised his hand to me, I cold cocked him with a sucker punch! When one of my sons tried the same thing with me, I put him down with a power-house blow to the throat! Needless to say, things kinda sorta leveled out and the 6 decided they needed to act more like family. Kids got old enough to leave home and set out on making their own way in the world. Life became more liveable then, until.....

I drove to our appointed meeting place when hubby would return from trips which took him away from home for 3 to 6 weeks at a time - got there about 30 minutes earlier than originally planned to see a hotsy totsy blonde crawl out of his truck! At this point, we'd been married for 10 years! For some strange reason, I didn't face him with my knowledge - I just started watching and listening until I finally caught him literally with his pants down doing the dirty deed with someone I thought was my friend! It took me another 6 years to gather enough evidence to start divorce proceedings - still photos, video tapes, taped conversations, and over 30 witnesses who made and signed affidavits at my attorney's office about what they knew and saw!

During this time, his father died and I, as the wife of the only child his parents had, took care of his mother who had Alzheimer's Disease. When he would deign to grace me and his mother with his presence, he was cruel and abusive to his mother because she could not remember his name or because she couldn't walk fast enough to please him. The day he punched his mother in the stomach because she couldn't talk plainly enough for him is the day I hit him over the head with an iron skillet and swore out a restraining order against him.

The day after his mother died (I took care of her for nearly 2 years with no help from anyone), he broke into my home with his current lover in tow, screaming at me about how awful it was to come back from a trip to California to learn his mother had not only died, but had already been buried. But, of course, he couldn't compute that he hadn't been anywhere near his mother in over a year and his aunts and uncles and I had no idea where he was or for whom he was working at that point (and didn't really care, to be honest). Thanks to having an auxiliary deputy living right down the road who heard the commotion, he was hauled off to jail for breaking the conditions of the restraining order. Three days later he signed the divorce papers, because his attorney told him he'd better do so IN A HURRY or be prepared for the consequences which would result from his wife not backing down or releasing him from all the charges accrued against him.

Some how, some way, I managed to survive again! Worked 3 jobs to keep myself busy and to keep my home. Never asked anyone for anything because I had such an untrusting nature at this point I couldn't bring myself to think anyone would help me unless there were strings attached. And, because of being married to someone who would climb a tree to tell as lie as to stay on the ground to tell the truth, I didn't believe anything anyone told me. Once again I was a single woman, but with no children at home to take care of and a standing realization that I had to be an absolutely horrible person for my life to have taken yet another bad turn.

My boss at my day-time five-days-a-week accounting job one day asked me, "Isn't that chip on your shoulder getting just a tad heavy for you to be lugging around all of the time?" Boy howdy, what a wake-up call that was for me! My real transition was when I stopped looking for external reasons for my unhappiness, accepted complete responsibility for myself and my happiness, and began looking inside myself to determine what I could do to make things better. I realized I never truly had liked ME and set about changing my attitude about myself - which resulted in a change of attitude about others around me. Something good always comes out of something bad!