Not better, but more bearable!

Good Evening, Elron! Thank you for your posting to my blog! I've not been writing much - neither here nor in my daily journal - for quite a while.

I palpably feel your pain, Elron. Whoever came up with the name "Widow" should have just given us the name of "Alone," as this word more aptly describes those of us who have lost a loved husband and best friend in one fell swoop. My only consolation was my husband died very suddenly and did not have to endure any suffering. Can't say the same for myself, though.

Speaking for my self, which is all I can do, I've become resigned to being alone. It will soon be 10 years of aloneness and lonesomeness - amazing how quickly the time goes by when each day begins with knowing I will only have my wonderful dog (Freckles) for companionship. Some days I find myself even wishing a telemarketer would call so I can hear a human voice on the other end! Now, that's crazy!!!!

You will eventually establish a routine for yourself, Elron. It won't necessarily be one you ever thought you would choose for yourself, but it will be less uncomfortable and easier for you to manage. You might find yourself quite cynical about those who claim to be your "friends." Heavens to Mergletroyd! I'm sure you've already discovered who your true friends are by now! As for being approached by other men - Piffle Poffle is what I say! Most are looking for a nurse with a purse! Some might actually think they are God's gift to womankind and are sexually the answer to our prayers! Yeah, right! I had a 58 year old man (and I was 70 in January) sniffing around me for about a year, and I finally had to be quite rude, crude, and socially unacceptable by telling him to "BUZZ OFF."

I have no family living near by, those I know are my friends live some distance away from me (with the price of gas these days I don't go and they don't come often), I live on a very fixed income (so fixed that I always have lots of month left at the end of my money), and I've found myself withdrawing more and more into myself. All of my life, I've been a people person and now - well, suffice it to say, I don't trust many people with the times like they are. I've been mugged twice in broad daylight (idiots didn't get anything from me, either), my home has been broken into twice by crackheads, and my neighbors could care less!

Going out to eat is a bummer - not only is it expensive but I feel like such a jerk going into a restaurant alone! Because of being ill most of this winter with the flu three times and bronchial pneumonia, I've been more or less housebound. Before that, I suffered from a fractured pelvis (twice in the same spot), which also aided and abetted my hermit-like existence. But, after saying all that, I challenge myself each day. I create embroidery designs, I'm constantly working on new sweater patterns to knit, am addicted to crossword puzzles and Pogo game site (yes, I admit it, I'm a computer nerd), and I try to learn a new word every day. Although my body isn't as strong as I'd like it to be, there's nothing wrong with my mind and I work hard to keep my brain busy! Does that make any sense to you?

I guess what I've been really trying to say is it doesn't really get any better, Elron. It becomes more bearable and you will adapt to the drastic change in your life. We all do, in our own way and our own time! May God Bless You, my new blog friend.

Mickey Finn is really a survivor - although she will whine every once in a while!