Third in series of Transitions

Often, I had looked back over those past reported years and wonder what I had done so bad that would bring me so close to the brink of total and complete despair. The only thing I could come up with was the fact I always had (and still do have) a terribly independent nature, a strong will to survive (no matter what), and the ability to laugh in the face of adversity.

Somehow, the boys and I muddled through the next couple of years. Friends came and went during that time, but we (the family unit) remained as constant as was possible. I finally recovered enough to work, the boys once again became involved with sports, scouting, and oh gracious, the oldest one discovered GIRLS weren't really all that "yucky." And, without looking, I found a fella who I believed was the love of my life and we married.

He convinced me to sell my home and we (he, the kids and I) went to Florida to live. I got a job as a bookkeeper and he hauled gravel/sand - financially, we were okay! I finally felt a sense of security I'd never had before until....a registered letter arrived addressed to Mrs. ....... (me). It was from my husband's wife, from whom he had convinced me he had been divorced for 3 years! Seems he had never signed the divorce papers - a small technicality to which he offered a convincing explanation. AND I SWALLOWED IT - HOOK, LINE, AND SINKER!

After spending many hundreds of dollars to "fix the problem," we remarried in Florida (to make me an honest woman!!!), and moved back to Alabama. His three boys decided they wanted to be with their father; so now I've got 6 boys to look after, because he decided to go back to cross-country truck driving! There's neither enough time nor enough space here for me to thoroughly explain what life became like with 3 boys who'd never had any discipline, never been taught any manners, who had no respect for anyone, who enjoyed using the "F" word in every spoken sentence, who treated me worse than a mad dog would be treated, and a husband who was neither never there nor spoke a word of truth about anything. All the while, my 3 boys are watching and learning from them - they pulled stunts they never would have dreamed of until they fell under the influence of the "3 from the other side" (as I used to call them in my mind).

When one of the stepsons raised his hand to me, I cold cocked him with a sucker punch! When one of my sons tried the same thing with me, I put him down with a power-house blow to the throat! Needless to say, things kinda sorta leveled out and the 6 decided they needed to act more like family. Kids got old enough to leave home and set out on making their own way in the world. Life became more liveable then, until.....

I drove to our appointed meeting place when hubby would return from trips which took him away from home for 3 to 6 weeks at a time - got there about 30 minutes earlier than originally planned to see a hotsy totsy blonde crawl out of his truck! At this point, we'd been married for 10 years! For some strange reason, I didn't face him with my knowledge - I just started watching and listening until I finally caught him literally with his pants down doing the dirty deed with someone I thought was my friend! It took me another 6 years to gather enough evidence to start divorce proceedings - still photos, video tapes, taped conversations, and over 30 witnesses who made and signed affidavits at my attorney's office about what they knew and saw!

During this time, his father died and I, as the wife of the only child his parents had, took care of his mother who had Alzheimer's Disease. When he would deign to grace me and his mother with his presence, he was cruel and abusive to his mother because she could not remember his name or because she couldn't walk fast enough to please him. The day he punched his mother in the stomach because she couldn't talk plainly enough for him is the day I hit him over the head with an iron skillet and swore out a restraining order against him.

The day after his mother died (I took care of her for nearly 2 years with no help from anyone), he broke into my home with his current lover in tow, screaming at me about how awful it was to come back from a trip to California to learn his mother had not only died, but had already been buried. But, of course, he couldn't compute that he hadn't been anywhere near his mother in over a year and his aunts and uncles and I had no idea where he was or for whom he was working at that point (and didn't really care, to be honest). Thanks to having an auxiliary deputy living right down the road who heard the commotion, he was hauled off to jail for breaking the conditions of the restraining order. Three days later he signed the divorce papers, because his attorney told him he'd better do so IN A HURRY or be prepared for the consequences which would result from his wife not backing down or releasing him from all the charges accrued against him.

Some how, some way, I managed to survive again! Worked 3 jobs to keep myself busy and to keep my home. Never asked anyone for anything because I had such an untrusting nature at this point I couldn't bring myself to think anyone would help me unless there were strings attached. And, because of being married to someone who would climb a tree to tell as lie as to stay on the ground to tell the truth, I didn't believe anything anyone told me. Once again I was a single woman, but with no children at home to take care of and a standing realization that I had to be an absolutely horrible person for my life to have taken yet another bad turn.

My boss at my day-time five-days-a-week accounting job one day asked me, "Isn't that chip on your shoulder getting just a tad heavy for you to be lugging around all of the time?" Boy howdy, what a wake-up call that was for me! My real transition was when I stopped looking for external reasons for my unhappiness, accepted complete responsibility for myself and my happiness, and began looking inside myself to determine what I could do to make things better. I realized I never truly had liked ME and set about changing my attitude about myself - which resulted in a change of attitude about others around me. Something good always comes out of something bad!