A promise to be yet fulfilled.

I've spent the better part of today thinking about my brothers. My oldest brother lives in Maine and I've probably seen him a maximum of 6 times in the past 45 years or so. Three of those times were meetings at funerals for my father, my mother and my youngest brother - over a period of 20 years. One time, the only time he ever came to my home, he brought my mother to visit with me (for the first time) for a day when I was living in Rhode Island. He and I are as widely different as night and day. He hates everyone, everything, all the time. He always has been the male version of my mother!

I was close to my youngest brother when we were kids and still living at home. I felt very protective of him, for a reason I didn't understand for many years. As he matured, I made mention to him many times how much he looked like "Magnum P I" - right down to the dimples and mustache!

I think I knew my kid brother was "different" before he ever acknowledged it himself. My kid brother was gay - a fact which has never been recognized nor discussed by anyone else in my family. My mother was convinced he had a girlfriend named Carole and they would one day marry. It took me many years to realize my kid bother trusted the fact that I wouldn't think any the less of him for his life style and choice of significant other. We visited each other as often as we could afford to over the years, but talked on the phone at least once every week from the time he left home until he got terribly ill.

The last two or three times I visited him, I couldn't help but notice how much he had come to resemble my father. If I closed my eyes when he was speaking, it was as if my father were doing the speaking. He had many traits just like my father, which seemed odd to me, considering his life style was so widely different from that of my father's.

Both of my brothers were the veritable apples of my mother's eye! They could do no wrong, they were so handsome, they were so perfect! And then there was me! Suffice it to say that getting away from my parents, at a fairly young age, was one of the best things that could have happened to me.

Cancer conquered my kid brother's spirit and soul 4 years ago - I still have his ashes to scatter. Haven't been able to get to Maine to scatter half of his ashes over my mother's grave and the other half in the Atlantic Ocean. I will honor his request as soon as I can, because I promised him I would. My highschool class reunion (50th) is next year - my girlfriend and I have saved our pennies for the trip! MY PROMISE WILL BE KEPT!

If I've ever felt any jealousy in my lifetime, it has been that I've envied those who have had loving and kind parents and a close relationship with family. If you have a family with whom you are close and who love and cherish you, hold on tightly to them with all of your heart, mind, and soul. You don't know how fortunate you are!