Alzheimer's

Taking care of a loved one with Alzheimer's Disease is challenging, frustrating, and requires total commitment on the part of the care giver.

Although I knew nothing about Alzheimer's back in the 80's, I found myself as the full-time care giver for the ex Son of a Blotitch's mother. This gentle, sweet, and Christian woman became a monster of meanness before my very eyes - even during my "I'm in denial phase" of her care.

One day, within a matter of hours, she forgot how to dress herself! She loved to go to town to shop and eat lunch - always a fish sandwich! As she ate her breakfast, I told her we would go to town later, and then I'd take her out to eat. Excited and eager as a child, she hurried through her breakfast, made her ablutions in her bathroom, and prepared to get ready. I went about my regular morning chores and also prepared for a day in town.

About 1/2 an hour later, I knocked on her bedroom door to ask if she were ready. I can't begin to tell you my reaction when she stepped out of her room while saying "I'm ready to go." Her favorite tangerine sweat suit was on upside down - she had the bottom on as the top, draped over her shoulders 'cuz she couldn't find where to put her head. She had the shirt on as the pants with her bra tied in a knot to hold it up. Her panties were on her head as a hat, and she, of course, had her purse hanging on her arm. When I took her into the dining room where there was a mirrored wall to take a look, I asked "Do you really think you look okay to go to town?" As she viewed her image, she very carefully moved her panties a little to one side and said, "My hat is crooked."

At that moment, I no longer was in a state of denial about her mental condition. As I attempted to dress her correctly, she got very agitated with me and used language I didn't know she even knew, much less dare say!

Watching someone you care for slip away from you because of the debiliating ravages of Alzheimer's is a terrible thing. I felt so completely helpless, and often hopelss, because I had no help. There was no support from her only son - he was too busy with his skirt chasing to give any thought to his mother. There was no support group anywhere to which I could turn for help. There was no support from the church to which she had been a member for over 50 years.

The night she got out of her room and fell out the back door while I was asleep was terrifying. I awoke to hearing her call for help, but I couldn't find her! When I did, there she was in a crumpled heap on the ground, soaking wet because it was raining. It took me nearly an hour to get her back inside the house, and then another hour to get her bathed, warm, and into her bed. She weighed about 160 pounds - I couldn't lift her, so I ended up placing her on a scatter rug and literally dragged her up the stairs and through the house to get her where I could check her all over to make sure nothing was broken. The next day, I called the local medical supply business and ordered a geriatric chair, a lift, and a porta-poddy. I thanked God every day for that lift, believe me.

A short time later, she pitched a fit of rage because she claimed she NEVER had worn dentures and wasn't going to wear these! She threw them across the room at me, where they hit the wall and broke into many pieces. From then on, I had to feed her as if she were a baby - pureeing her food for her. One night, soon thereafter, I awoke to find her standing over me in bed with a knife in her hand. She wasn't threatening me - she wanted to know what she was supposed to do with the knife! I childproofed my house from one end to the other the next morning!

For nearly 2 years I was the 24/7 care giver to this woman who had once been so vibrant, active, and busy. In essence, she became my little girl who ended up being completely bedridden, forgetting how to do everything, including how to talk or eat. When she died, it was as if I had lost another child, and for a long time after her death I would second guess myself about what I could have done differently to help her. A special on television about caring for Alzheimer's patients made me aware I couldn't have done anything differently whatsoever.

I am go glad I had the opportunity to care for her.