Emily Margaret
I just visited a site wherein the writer asked about a person's favorite stuffed toy. Sorry, can't remember the name of the site, but the question really stirred something within me.
As a child, I had no toys - never had a stuffed toy, a doll, a sled, or (heaven forbid) a bicycle. My family was far from wealthy, but there always seemed to be plenty of money for booze, booze, and more booze for my parents!
The Christmas before I turned 50, my 9-year old grand-daughter made me a Cabbage Patch Doll as a gift. I treasured the doll - to me it was the most beautiful thing that had ever been given to me! My grand-daughter thought her Gram had lost her marbles when I started crying upon opening the package with that wonderful doll inside. I named her Emily Margaret after my imaginary childhood friend.
One day, about 6 years ago, Emily Margaret inadvertently got put into the washing machine, along with towels and sheets! Oh, my poor Emily Margaret was no more. I stood in the utility room and cried like a baby at her demise. My first and only doll was gone forever!
My hubby's Mom - a wonderfuly eccentric lady - promised to make me a doll. Her ceramic dolls were very lifelike and natural looking as a result of the time and effort she spent cleaning, firing, cleaning again, painting, and sewing. She hand sewed the clothes for her wonderful creations, and gave each its own unique name. But, she became too ill to make me a doll. And, since her death, her kilns and molds were sold to a ceramic shop somewhere in southern Florida.
How silly is it to miss a stuffed Cabbage Patch Doll? It might seem silly to someone else, but to me it is far from being silly. It was as if a part of me had tragically disappeared, never to be replaced. The little girl inside this old body still mourns the loss of both Emily Margarets.
posted by mickey_finn at 3:54 PM
6 Comments:
That is so sad. I'm sorry that you had a childhood that was so filled with unhappiness ... and that you lost both of your Emily Margarets. You can't replace either, but perhaps you can find them again.
Our youthful selves are still inside of us ... we just have to put aside the trappings that have made us into adults. At least for a short time.
Start talking to Emily Margaret even though it might seem strange at first. Do it in light moments when you are happy and are smiling. Rekindle the feeling of when you were young and talking to her.
I even go so far as to talk to myself (no I'm not crazy, at least I don't think so) ... but I talk to the 'little girl' I was. I try to make her smile and I tell her my problems. She always listens and I somehow feel comforted.
Silly I know ... but it works for me.
You can't replace lost things like beloved dolls. But that Emily Margaret was as much a symbol of someone from your past as it was a present day object of love. They are tied together.
And if you would like a stuffed toy to love (and don't feel silly because I have several even now) go to a toy store and start touching and holding those that strike your fancy. I bet you find one you particularly like. Buy it ... take it home and LOVE it! It will give unconditonal love right back to you!
Hugs
Your post made me smile and tear up at the same time.
I've read your blog a number of times, but this is the first time I have commented. You are a special woman. I wish you all the best.
We're all still just kids on the inside mickey_finn.
I agree with Mama Mouse. Emily Margaret is special, and you can't replace her, but you can PLAY! :-D
It's not silly at all. I grew up never having a teddy bear of any sort. My parents could afford it, and gave both my brother and sister a teddy bear, but for some reason, I never had one. So I mentioned this to some friends last year and lo and behold, one of them bought me the cutest and softest teddy bear, so now I finally have one.
Maybe the second Emily Margaret is gone but at least you had the pleasure of being given her. Accidents like that happen and it is very sad and upsetting to remember.
And I think that is a great idea to go out and treat yourself to a new doll/toy and one of your choosing. There was a time, as an adult, that I had a doll and went out and bought it little clothes and knitted items for it. Life moved on and eventually I let go of that doll - I had real kids to take care of for heaven's sake!! I just found out that a friend I know also had a cuddly doll/hand puppet which went everywhere with her as an adult (it was a funny character and a great talking point) and she dressed it in the finest clothes. Mad lot we all are!
Post a Comment
<< Home