Who stole my so-called "Golden Years?"

Haven't blogged in a while because of many reasons. I've been more than a little depressed, stressed, and otherwise upset because of the turn of events which have occurred recently. I told myself - "Self, stop it." But, self refuses to listen to me.

Depression hasn't ever been my forte. It's always been rather difficult to get this old gal down, much less keep me there. But, not being able to do things like I used to has really set me back on my heels - figuratively speaking, of course. Haven't had another heart episode, but the one on Friday night/Saturday morning gave me an inordinate fright for some reason. Lack of sleep compiled with trip to get a cane, and then having a meeting with a couple of the guys from the company seemed to completely sap me of energy. Sunday, all I did was lay around - had no gumption to do anything requiring mental or physical prowess. To say I was down in the dumps is putting it mildly.

As for stress - it seems as if the least little thing can stress me out these days. Don't understand this at all. I've always performed well under pressure and stress, but nowadays handling anything stressful knocks me backwards three steps for each step forward. What's the deal here, anyway? Can't be that age is catching up with me, could it? Health isn't all that bad that I should be stressed, is it? I have lots of things I want to accomplish, and yet those goals seem to be completely out of reach for me - mentally, as well as physically. That absolutely sucks, I don't mind saying.

And, I'm upset with myself for letting the above bother me as much as it does.

It certainly behooves me to add that my friends have offered me a wealth of support and comfort. Why hasn't my family? Because I've not told them. Why not, you might ask? Hmmm, let me count the ways they would attempt to box me in, boss me around, and then tell me "You've overcome worse than this, Mom, and this you shall also conquer!" Or is that me telling them that? Don't want to be smothered with pity, sympathy, and all that jazz! I just wanna be able to be me for as long as is possible for me to be me.