Transitions - 2nd posting

The day I walked away from abuse - both mental and physical - was a definite transition for me. I had no idea what "normal" should be, but I knew I wanted it badly. It didn't matter to me anymore that I was considered to be ugly - I was smart! In fact, I've only wished once in my life to be beautiful and smart rather than ugly and smart! And, as a result of knowing I had intelligence and could do anything I set my mind to do, I set about doing just that.

The boys and I moved into a local motel - close to where the older boys went to school. I found work, and applied for an FHA house. Everything seemed to work in my favor - I qualified as an FHA applicant for a brand-new brick, 3 bedroom, 1 1/2 bath, attached garage, living room, dining room, kitchen, den, and utility room included HOME. Payments were minimal, to say the least, and we moved in before the kitchen cabinets were completely installed!

I started doing accounting at home for small businesses, and worked as Night Manager for a 7/11 Store! Remember the good old 7/11 stores? Because of that job, I was able to buy a car, get furniture for my home, and bought new appliances. I believe the first couple of years as a single mother were some of the happiest in my life. Working all of the time, except the weekends, wasn't all that bad - the kids usually came with me to the 7/11 at night. When we weren't busy, we would make a game of stocking the shelves. I developed quite a pitching arm during those nights, and my kids learned a lot about math and economics.

Weekends I didn't work at ANYTHING other than paying all of my attention to the boys. Their baseball games, band practices, scout meetings, etc., were usually always during the week, so we made a point of keeping the weekends just for us. Whatever the boys wanted to do, within reason and if finances allowed, we would do.

Those years as a single mom were both wonderfully exciting and overpoweringly terrifying for me. I second-guessed myself about practically everything. Thank God for my next door neighbor, Linda, who became my mentor and babysitter extrordinaire! She knew everyone in the small town where we lived and made sure everyone came to know me - that story will appear in another entry! She used to get on my case in a big way because I wouldn't ask for child support or alimony or any help from the ex! However, she came to understand my need to succeed on my own efforts and supported me mightily with encouragement, lots of hugs, and a soft place to fall!

The first few months of this transition, I would find myself flinching every time someone at work raised a hand - he/she might just be reaching for a file folder or to turn on a light. I saw my reflection in a store window one afternoon, and I was all slumped over as if I were completely defeated and beaten down. That night, while talking with Linda about it, she remarked "I've been meaning to talk to you about that, but decided you would have to be the one to determine when to stand tall and look the world squarely in the eye." Wow, what a powerful statement that proved to be for me! My transition from that defeated little girl to a confident and achieving woman began in that instant! The strength I gained from being completely on my own, responsible for my boys and our lives, and making decisions which would influence me for the rest of my life and remain steadfast within the very fiber of my being today.